It’s been a bumpy ride, but it’s finally over. Today, Verizon announced the completion of its Yahoo acquisition at roughly $4.5 billion, giving us all the gift of a fancy new subsidiary named Oath and officially ending former Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer’s tenure.
This year sucked, didn’t it?
Pardoning turkeys is a White House tradition which helps remind birds that Americans can both give life and take it away. America hasn’t seen a single case of murder committed by a turkey since the tradition began. And President Obama will keep that spirit alive when he pardons his last turkeys at 2:45pm ET/11:45am PT…
A turkey named Courage, an animal deemed worthy of continuing its life by President Obama in a bizarre White House ritual, is reportedly dead. The bird was pardoned in 2009 during the strange Thanksgiving event that US presidents hold to show that they’re more powerful than birds. Or something.
Our interminable national nightmare is, by some impossible miracle, almost over. Today, barring any major security or Trump-related catastrophe, the country will elect the next president of the United States.
Yesterday, Elon Musk warned us that his grand vision to send humans to Mars wouldn’t be without danger—in fact, he said, “The probability of death is quite high on the first mission.” Now, with what can only be described as perfect timing (or great marketing), two Dutch companies are claiming they’ve created a hearse…
Today, noted space cadet (in every sense of the phrase) Elon Musk revealed his plan to colonize Mars. He also basically told us to prepare to die for him. Cool idea, Elon!
First, death came for Larry, the 15-pound, 100-year-old lobster who died on his way to freedom. Now it’s come for Big Lobi, a 22-pound monster who died shortly after he was released into the wild in Chatham, Massachusetts.